Can You Spoil a Baby? Why Nurturing Isn’t the Problem—It’s the Answer

Today, I want to dive into a question that sparks debate in parenting circles everywhere: Can you spoil a baby?

Whether it’s about holding them too much, responding to every cry, co-sleeping, rocking them to sleep, or just being fully present with them—many parents worry they might be doing “too much.” Let’s start with the big picture. In many parts of the world, parental leave is short—sometimes shockingly short. Parents are expected to bounce back quickly, return to work, and perform just as they did before, as if nothing has changed. But something monumental has changed: you’ve had a baby. You’re now responsible for a tiny human who relies on you completely.

This pressure isn’t new. It stems back to the Industrial Revolution, when both parents began working long hours away from home. Instead of society adapting to meet the developmental needs of babies and young children, families were pushed to adapt to rigid work schedules. As a result, parenting became something to be “fit in” around work—not integrated with life. To make things more “convenient,” we created new industries and products: formula over breastfeeding, plastic over cloth diapers, jarred baby food over homemade meals, electric swings instead of human arms, and of course—sleep training over nighttime nurturing. This isn’t about judging these choices—every family is different and has unique needs. But the problem arises when these decisions are made out of pressure rather than alignment with your values or your baby’s needs. Let’s pause and ask: what do babies really need?

Nurturing.

That’s it. Not gadgets. Not rigid schedules. Just nurturing, responsive care. Neuroscience has confirmed what many of us feel in our hearts: responsive parenting builds stronger, more emotionally secure children. The early years—especially from birth to age three—are when the brain forms vital neural pathways that shape future emotional health, behavior, and resilience.

And no, babies won’t remember every detail—at least not in the way we remember things. But emotionally? They remember. Their bodies and brains record the feeling of being soothed, held, heard—or ignored. Emotional memory runs deep and it shapes their sense of safety and self-worth.

Here’s the truth: you cannot spoil a baby by responding to them. You are not making them needy—you’re teaching them trust, confidence, and connection. Mammals are hardwired to respond to their young. Human babies, in particular, are born highly dependent. Our responsiveness teaches them the world is a safe place and that they matter.

If you need proof, I highly recommend The Nurture Revolution by Greer Kirshenbaum or diving into the work of Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld. These experts have the science to back up what many parents intuitively know: nurturing is not weakness—it’s the foundation of lifelong emotional strength. So go ahead—rock your baby. Kiss them, snuggle them, carry them. Meet their needs. You're not spoiling them. You're shaping a healthy, secure future for them—and for yourself as a parent.

One last thing, Mama…

This kind of nurturing can only happen when you are also supported. You matter too. Your mental health, your energy, your sense of confidence—it all impacts how you show up for your child. That’s why postpartum care shouldn’t stop after six weeks. Parents—especially mothers—need ongoing support, encouragement, and community. A mother who feels heard and cared for is far more equipped to care for her baby in the way she wants to. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed or alone, know that you’re not failing—you’re being asked to do the impossible without enough help. You deserve support, rest, and respect—not just for your baby’s sake, but for yours.

With love and in solidarity,

Adeline